I don’t have any quotes or music to open this story with. It is not for a lack of ideas or access to resources. All it takes is point-click-cut-and-paste. Presto-change-o and you have some words of wisdom to share or a song that you know will melt her heart.
And that is what you want to do. You are writing her another letter here where you hope she’ll see it. Another letter in which you tell her how strong you are, express that you are capable of living a very happy life without her but that is not completely true.
Because the fact is that you love her. You miss her. You want her. You need her. These are not simple platitudes nor things that you bandy about. You don’t like such things. You prefer not to be so open and giving with the things that leave your soft side exposed.
It is easier to try to move on and pretend that it is ok. You look in the mirror and remind yourself that you don’t really have a choice. There are two people in this equation and you can’t control anyone but yourself. It doesn’t matter whether you say yes or no because unless she chooses to participate you are done.
And that is something that is as painful to write as it is to hear. She told you that you were the love of her life and you said that she was yours. But things happen and people change. And even if people don’t change sometimes there are situations that change, making it impossible to be with who you wish to be with.
Isn’t that what Crosby Stills Nash and Young said, “If you can’t be with the one you love, than love the one you are with.” That might not be a perfect quote but it is pretty damn close. Nice sentiment, good idea. If you are going to be with someone than you should love them. But loving them isn’t the same as being in love with them and that my friends makes all the difference.
Because when you are in love then you can take on the world. You don’t need much, just each other. That is the power, the beauty and the magic of love. Cue cheesy ’80s music and a scene from a John Hughes movie.
So the question is why aren’t you with the one you are in love with. It is understandable to be fearful of the unknown. It is a valid response, but it is not always enough. It is not enough to say that circumstances are too hard or the situation is too difficult. It is simply unacceptable.
At least these are things that you tell yourself, truths that you say you believe. You still maintain that in a world of billions there have to be millions who could make you happy, but only a very few who can make you seriously happy. And even fewer who can make you as happy as she can and did.
So you wake up each day and stay busy. You occupy yourself with things that will make your life better. You push yourself to get in better shape, to get ahead at work and to improve your life. You don’t do it for her, but for you.
The idea is that regardless of whether you find your way back to each other you will be in a better situation. You fervently believe everything you are writing and are confident that even if you don’t find each other life will go on and you will be one happy dude.
But in the quiet of the night you admit that the light that flickers inside your heart does so because you still carry her torch. Unlike the Olympic Flame this sucker never gets extinguished. That is part of what is so intriguing to you, this has never happened before.
So sometimes you find yourself staring at her picture and remembering things. Soft touches, gentle whispers and someone who you let see you as you are, not as you wish to be. And in those quiet moments when you look inwards you find yourself convinced that somewhere out there she remembers those things and that sometimes she thinks of the boy who loves her still.