A Bollywood Production

Dear Ann,

I stumbled across this video and decided to write you a note. I don’t know if I’ll ever send this to you or if you’ll ever see it in any other form. Why do I mention this?

Well woman I know you well enough to know that if we are ever in a good place (whatever that means) you will ask the question about why I didn’t send it to you. It will be like that time way back in our past where you told me that I had permission to do whatever I wanted to you/with you.

You wanted to know why I didn’t take advantage of it. You wondered if that meant that I found you less than attractive or if you had some sort of other undesirable trait. I told you that there were two basic reasons.

1) I am not a freaking mind reader. It is true that I know you well, or at least that I did. It is true that often times I could accurately gauge your mood and that it enabled me to do things that didn’t aggravate you.

2) You are not a piece of meat to me and you never were.  You know better than to ask about my libido. That is not male bravado because you know from experience and more importantly from your heart that there weren’t any issues there.

But you have to understand and appreciate that I was never going to put you in that place where I didn’t honor you. I couldn’t do it and I refused to let it go there.  I could point out more than a few memories of moments we shared that left us both trying to figure out what the hell just happened and how could we do it again as quickly as possible.

It all comes back to trust. Release and submit. Give yourself to me and let me drive and good things happen. You know it. I know it and we lived it.

Anyhoo, screw all that because it is not what I want to focus on. I want to go back to Bollywood and talk about how there have been moments since you left in which I thought about trying to make some sort of crazy Bollywood video for you.

The thing is that I am not a dancer. I can see the moves in my head but I can’t make my body move like that. I am not built for grace but for demolition. It is not the first time I mentioned this.

Yes I can be gentle but gentle isn’t synonymous with grace. So I can two step and do a bunch of the simple moves but I can’t pull off the other moves the way that I wish I could. Maybe I am being too hard on myself and maybe I could do it without making it look goofy, but at the moment it doesn’t really matter.

Anyway, I’ll keep the idea in my back pocket. Can’t rule it out completely, all things are possible. Still the dance that I wish to do most is that one we once did together…

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