Pieces of The Puzzle

For a long time fear held me back and kept me from going “all in” and that fear may end up being the big tragedy of this time and space. It might be the reason why I never find out if what was thought and said was real or if it was just words two young people once shared with each other.

Sometimes it feels like I am playing a game except I haven’t ever seen a copy of the rules so every time I think I might be winning I find out it is just the opposite.  I stop, look, listen, turn and twist because I hope that maybe  I’ll find what I am looking for right there behind me.

We stop and stare at a moonless sky and under the black ask if love is forever. We laugh and say how childish it sounds and in the same breath explain how our love is different and how we know more. We are more mature and more experienced.

She tells me about all of the benefits of this experience and says she is more deeply in love with me than any other man before. Explains that she wants to do things with me she has never done and says we can blur the lines because we are inextricably linked.

I take her again and again. She submits. Man meets woman and woman meets man. When I hold back she catches me, encourages me to let go. Promises the moon and I listen because I have made the same promises.

Life happens. Love happens. Loss happens.

I should have gone all in, but I didn’t recognize it then and now it might be too late.  Or maybe it is not because I am not playing a game I know. There are rules to this game I have never seen, nor read.

Words are spoken and the meanings are clearly unclear. Analysis isn’t wanted and probably not required but it happens. Time is spent wondering if gut feelings are based upon reality or what we want the reality to be. Questions are asked about whether the time has come to walk away from the table or if now is the time to storm the castle.

No one understands timing anyway and sometimes we lie about intention and desire because we fear acting out on these things.

We’re back under the night sky but this time the moon and stars are a glow and we wonder if we are being taunted and or led astray. Now these lights provide a path that appears to go in the direction we wanted and wished for. but that fear is back. The uncertainty says not to walk because when you play with fire you get burned.

Yet the genesis of it all came when we decided to walk among the flames and found that together we shielded each other from the flames and protected each other from harm.

Now the question is whether the window has shut and the time has passed. There may yet be magic left in the night. There might be a pinch of dust and small swallow in the bottle, just enough to snatch victory from defeat but the only way to find out is to go all in and risk more than before.

And so we wonder whether it is better to hide our love away and perhaps never know or to take a shot and see what happens.

Ain’t life peachy.


Editors’s note: Those are fragments that have been lying around. Figured it was better to insert them here and maybe use them later.
“I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me…
She showed me her room, isn’t it good, Norwegian wood?

She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere,
So I looked around and I noticed there wasn’t a chair.

I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking her wine
We talked until two and then she said, “It’s time for bed”

She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh.
I told her I didn’t and crawled off to sleep in the bath

And when I awoke, I was alone, this bird had flown
So I lit a fire, isn’t it good, Norwegian wood.”

Norwegian Wood– The Beatles
“The screen door slams
Mary’ dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey that’s me and I want you only
Don’t turn me home again
I just can’t face myself alone again
Don’t run back inside
Darling you know just what I’m here for
So you’re scared and you’re thinking
That maybe we ain’t that young anymore
Show a little faith there’s magic in the night
You ain’t a beauty but hey you’re alright
Oh and that’s alright with me

You can hide ‘neath your covers
And study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers
Throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain
For a saviour to rise from these streets
Well now I’m no hero
That’s understood
All the redemption I can offer girl
Is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now ?
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow
Back your hair
Well the night’s busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heaven’s waiting on down the tracks
Oh-oh come take my hand
We’re riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh-oh Thunder Road oh Thunder Road
Lying out there like a killer in the sun
Hey I know it’s late we can make it if we run
Oh Thunder Road sit tight take hold
Thunder Road

Well I got this guitar
And I learned how to make it talk
And my car’s out back
If you’re ready to take that long walk
From your front porch to my front seat
The door’s open but the ride it ain’t free
And I know you’re lonely
For words that I ain’t spoken
But tonight we’ll be free
All the promises’ll be broken
There were ghosts in the eyes
Of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road
In the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets
They scream your name at night in the street
Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet
And in the lonely cool before dawn
You hear their engines roaring on
But when you get to the porch they’re gone
On the wind so Mary climb in
It’s town full of losers
And I’m pulling out of here to win

Thunder Road- Bruce Springsteen

Hey there, here I am
I’m the man on the scene
I can give you what you want
But you got to come home with me

I forgot some good old lovin’
And I got me some more in store
When I get to thrown it on you
You got to come back for more

Toys and things that come by the dozen
That ain’t nothin’ but drug store lovin’
Pretty little thing, let me light your candle
‘Cause mama I’m sure hard to handle, now, gets around

Action speaks louder than words
And I’m a man of great experience
I know you got another man
But I can love you better than him

Take my hand, don’t be afraid
I’m wanna prove every word I say
I’m advertisin’ love for free
So, you can place your ad with me

Once it come along a dime by the dozen
That ain’t nothin’ but ten cent lovin’
Pretty little thing, let me light your candle
‘Cause mama I’m sure hard to handle, now, gets around

Baby, here I am
The man on your scene
I can give you what you want
But you got to come home with me

I forgot some good old lovin’
And I got some more in store
When I get to thrown it on you
You got to come runnin’ back for more

Once it come along a dime by the dozen
That ain’t nothin’ but drug store lovin’
Pretty little thing, let me light your candle
‘Cause mama I’m sure hard to handle, now, gets around
Hard To Handle- Otis Redding

What’ll you do when you get lonely
And nobody’s waiting by your side?
You’ve been running and hiding much too long.
You know it’s just your foolish pride.

Layla, you’ve got me on my knees.
Layla, I’m begging, darling please.
Layla, darling won’t you ease my worried mind.

I tried to give you consolation
When your old man had let you down.
Like a fool, I fell in love with you,
Turned my whole world upside down.


Let’s make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane.
Please don’t say we’ll never find a way
And tell me all my love’s in vain.

[Chorus: x2]
Layla– Derek and the Dominos

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