Expectations

Sometimes the expectations of youth are met with the cruel reality that love isn’t always enough, heroes sometimes fail and good doesn’t always triumph over evil.

Those aren’t my words but those of the prophets found in school yards, pool halls and street corners. This was the wisdom of the guys who had more experience and were more streetwise than myself.

They’d say, “Jimmy, never give all you have to a woman because she will suck you dry and not in the way you want. She will take all that you have and more.”

The funny thing was they always talked about how it was better to be with a selfish bitch because she would give you a reason to get angry and be wary. That selfish bitch they’d talk about would still suck you dry but she wouldn’t pretend to be nice or act like it was a mistake.

“Jimmy, a selfish bitch is just easier that way because you’re dealing with realistic expectations. Hook up with a nice girl and you won’t see it coming. She’ll be sweet and loving. She’ll take care of you and do all she can to make you feel good, but she will still suck you dry. That makes her worse.”

We tended to take the words of the prophets with a grain of salt because some of their stories sounded like they should be in Penthouse Forum. It didn’t matter how old they were either, these knock around guys always had the same sort of story.

In high school it would be about how the head cheerleader and the rest of the team invited them over for an improptu orgy. In college they talked about how they traded sexual favors for a better grade with their English professor.

But the worst among the lot were the men who traveled for work and would talk about how that time in Topeka, Kansas they got a chance to bang Cindy Crawford or some other supermodel.

There was always some cockamamie part of the puzzle in which they explained how they met Cindy on the flight over and that gave them five uninterrupted hours to convince her they were funny, warm and desirable.

“Jimmy, I never thought it could happen to me but somewhere in the sky god smiled upon me and convinced this beautiful, lonely woman that it was worth doing some yoga in the sheets with me.”

Fucking prophets are a bunch of fucking liars.

I can’t and won’t say they didn’t get lucky in Topeka or claim the woman from Des Moines never happened. I have been around a bit and I have seen a few things. I am sure some of those guys got in some bedroom exercise but it wasn’t with a supermodel.  But then if alcohol was involved they might have thought they were with one.

If you spend enough time at the hotel bar slinging back Jack and Coke you can find a few beauties who look like they might be fun.

Three Times Meets Timing and Circumstances

There are three of them from my past. Two brunettes with dark hair and dark eyes alongside a blonde with green eyes that come to mind.

If you gave them a cursory glance you wouldn’t be sure of what they share in common beyond gender and height. That glance wouldn’t be enough to tell you of their intelligence and innate curiosity.

Nor would it reveal the wild side they all hide under their “good girl” facade either. I know from personal experience about all of these things. I can tell you about a love for cooking, laughter and learning. I can tell you about their nurturing natures and how they love to take care of their men.

And I can tell you about how many different ways they surprised me, what they did to get my attention and a million other little details. They’d yell at me for comparing and or sharing but they are all gone now.

Timing and circumstances took us in different directions. Now all we have are memories of moments in time and that is ok because the prophets prepared me for the heartbreak that came with each of them.

Those wise guys helped me get through the rough spots because I knew to hold something back that was just for me. I knew to keep realistic expectations and to do like that Lennon guy said, “hide my love away.”

That is what kept me from losing it when we walked our separate ways because I never was going to let one of them suck me dry in any way other than that one. Of course now I begin to wonder if I am not just like the prophets.

I might not tell ridiculous stories but I am a single guy looking back instead of looking forward so maybe the time has come to say goodbye to the past and enter the future.

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