Johnny leaned back in his chair and took a big swig of beer between his lips. It was rare to find him having a drink during daylight hours but everyone needs a mental health day from time to time.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had taken one for himself or the last time he had spent a December day lying out at the pool. It had been a good day and he wondered why he hadn’t been smart enough to take time to relax before this.
Maybe it was because once he stepped onto that damn hamster wheel he had been running so damn fast he didn’t notice that he was too busy to catch his breath. The best part was that most of it wasn’t busy work. He had been working on things that mattered, that were significant and impactful.
He was making a difference and that was always something worth celebrating.
But all men have their moments of doubt and uncertainty. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to convince yourself that what you are doing now is going to yield big dividends there are those moments where you step back and wonder if the path you are on is really going to lead you where you want to go.
Sometimes he wished he was clairvoyant or gifted in some way that would allow him to truly see the future. It would make all of the uncertainty go away and he could just focus his energy on building the foundation to his business.
It was what he really wanted to do and where he spent most of his time, except every now and then there would be this twinge in his gut or some mental itch that reminded him about who he was ignoring.
Johnny thought of those moments as being like a mental bell, a sort of ethereal gong that announced that someone was trying to get his attention. Sometimes he thought about responding to them but he never did.
That was because he had promised himself that he wasn’t going to make any sort of move towards someone who had given him crazy mixed signals. He wasn’t going to waste time engaged in mental masturbation about what should have happened or what could of happened any longer.
Those days were gone and they weren’t going to change unless he was presented with a real reason to act otherwise. This was the logical path to follow and logic was more of a friend than the gong that would periodically go off in his head.
Too much time had been spent dancing in the fire so he turned out the lights and locked the door. It was the right thing to do. Maybe one day that door would open again or maybe it wouldn’t. Either way the most import thing he could do is walk towards the light he saw at the end of the tunnel.
Besides, hard head or not there was only so much banging he could take before the headache that came from it made him want to scream.