Ten Years Later

Ten years later she said go away.

When he didn’t she pushed him in the chest with both hands and told him he was a fool to think he ever had a chance.

She was sad and angry when he walked away, surprised by his not fighting harder. She wondered why he didn’t read between the lines and understand what she really was saying the way he had always been able to do before.

And then he surprised her by coming back in a different way that made it unclear why he was doing what he was doing. Part of her was certain he was trying to find a new way to seduce her and part of her wondered if maybe he wasn’t.

She was ten years older and her body wasn’t the same as it once was. In many ways she wasn’t very different physically from the way she had looked in college, but then again she was.

The mental list of things that weren’t quite the same was easily checked off and she couldn’t help but wonder why he would pick her over a younger woman. That was something men did, they paid more attention to the physical than the mental which meant he could easily be another idiot who picked a pretty face over brains.

But she remembered  how he had told her that he would never stop loving her and that age didn’t matter and wondered if those were just words.

Words had meaning, but sometimes people just said things without accepting or understanding the consequences of their actions.

The uncertainty infuriated her. Most of the time she knew exactly how she felt but here she just didn’t.

She wanted to.

She thought she knew how she should feel but this was different and he had always managed to bring out stronger feelings than any other. So she tried to nurse the anger because that always made it easier to say goodbye.

It was why she went over the list of things he had done wrong. It didn’t matter whether they were intentional or unintentional as long as they helped fuel the fire. But that only worked for so long.

Slowly she was falling for him again and this time she couldn’t say she had no clue how it happened or why. This time she knew precisely why she should stay away and exactly why she didn’t want to.

It was a good thing he really couldn’t read her mind because if he did he would know how badly she really wanted to be with him and how hard she was struggling not to.

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