To Help You With Your Search

When you want to know more about what drives, moves and motivates me spend some time reading the quotes here. Then think about the music you know I like and love and the moments and minutes you have shared with me.

Close your eyes, look inside and listen to your heart and ask yourself whether my actions have been consistent or inconsistent.

Wonder aloud if I am crazy and ask yourself if I really care one way or another.

Spend time trying to figure out if all I do is premeditated and well thought out or if it is possible that I am sometimes spontaneous.

Ask yourself if I ever feel happy, sad, guilty or mad.

Wonder aloud if your treatment of me has been decent, honest and open. Consider whether I have grounds to be angry and then ask yourself if any of this matters.

Ask yourself why you are trying to build a psychological profile that you can use to stuff me into a box. Figure out why you are trying to label me and if that really helps.

Wonder if any of this is useful or useless.

Scream my name into your pillow because I frustrate you. Scream my name into your pillow because you hate me. Scream my name into your pillow because you love me.

Scream into your pillow the way you did when I took you to where no other could. Scream out loud the way you did when I did it again and left you breathless.

Ask what happened to the man who kissed the tears away.

Ask what happened to the boy who held your hand.

Ask whether you pushed him away and wonder if he listened.

Ask whether he insisted on ignoring you and feel the frustration of every time he did something to upset or hurt you.

Wonder what he is thinking and doing.

Ask yourself why you can’t just talk to him and have honest and open conversations again.

Admit that some days you can’t stand how he sees inside you still.

Admit that some times you wish he would just shut up, show up and take you.

Deny all of that and tell him he is awful and that nothing is left.

Accuse him of killing it all with the choices he made and the actions he took.

Read these words multiple times and ask if there is fact or fiction here. Wonder if he is fucking with you because he wants to fuck you.

Hope that he is not and that all he wants to do is make love to your mind and body.

Point, click and surf elsewhere because it is too much work.

And still you come back uncertain about what it means, if it means anything at all.

Ask one more time how he does this and smile because he still means something even if he is mental, infuriating, crazy, manic, moody and whatever other negative descriptions you can come up with.

There may be silence but the communication never stops.

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