She never really believed that he would walk away and just give up. It didn’t matter how many times she said they were done or how often she said they could be nothing more than friends, he stuck around.
For a while she thought it was because he was weak and needy and that turned her off a bit. There was a time when she had wanted him to be needy, at least as long it was her he was needy for.
But she made the mistake of sticking it in his face and he made a point to disappear for a while. At first she didn’t really believe he was gone but after a while she began to wonder if maybe he was.
She began to wonder who he was palling around with and if maybe some other girl had taken her place. It made her irritable and angry to think about him with another woman. He was entitled to do it and if ever there was a man who could find someone else, it was him.
That was enough to make her angry and anger was her friend here. She reviewed her list of misdeeds and covered all of the reasons why she shouldn’t be with him and how he didn’t deserve her.
Time passed and she decided to check on him. It was supposed to be done quietly but somehow he figured it out. It was like there was some sort of mental gong that went off inside his head because she was thinking about him.
He made contact and she did her best to maintain her distance. He made it easier by being obnoxious and by making all sorts of sexual suggestions. When he told her he wanted to bend her over the couch she feigned irritation and told him to get lost.
What she didn’t tell him was that she really wanted that. Maybe not at first, but at some point. She wanted to be with him but she refused to tell him.
There were too many complications and too much trouble. She didn’t trust him and she wasn’t about to just let him come marching in.
One day he told dared her to kiss him and say she felt nothing. He dared her to get naked and not respond to his touch.
She told him she wasn’t interested and said he should find someone else. She said she was perfectly happy and wondered if he believed it.
The complications here were hard and she didn’t like it. She missed falling in love with him and wondered if it could happen again. Part of her wanted it to happen and part of her thought about how much trouble that could bring.
He was intoxicating.
So she told him off and hoped that he would run.
But he didn’t run. He said things, did things and showed that other side that she hadn’t seen in quite some time.
He wasn’t as soft and needy as she had thought. He was hard, edgy and driven.
Some might even say he was an asshole, but he was her asshole, even if she refused to admit it.
And he was still infuriating.
She wanted him to go away and she wanted him to come back.
She wanted to see the sweet, loving guy who would do anything for her and she wanted to know the man was there too. She liked that he would stand up to her and that she wasn’t in control of the relationship.
Hell, she loved knowing that he could take care of her in every way. There were very few men in her life who had made her feel so alive.
She could hear him talk about traditional roles. It made her smile. He was a man and she was a woman and they were equal, but they liked playing their specific parts.
It was hard to know what to do. She was normally very decisive, but he just threw her in every way and now he was acting in a way she couldn’t figure out.
Why couldn’t he just read her mind and say the right thing.
It sounded so childish and ridiculous, but it was what she wanted. He knew she wouldn’t be the one to pursue or push. He knew that he would have to chase her and that she would let him catch her.
Was he really going to to walk this time.
Was he really going to try to prove a point.
Two people could do that.