Into The Sunshine

Twelve years later two things from Lasik held up, his vision and the sensitivity to light. It was a reasonable exchange in his mind.

The need to wear sunglasses or squint was worth perfect vision. Given the opportunity to do it all over again he would and without hesitation.  It took some balls to let some doc clamp your eyes open so that a laser could slice and reshape them.

People forget that our natural inclination is to close our eyes and or look away from things that are scary or objects that might harm our eyes. The clamp made sure you could do nothing but focus on the light and the sizzle made you wonder if your eyeball was being cooked like an egg or medically treated.

But he had no regrets because the ability to see without corrective lenses was priceless to him.

Unfortunately the lack of regrets didn’t extend into all areas of his life. There were others that weren’t filled with images of pink bunnies and unicorns or sunshine and rainbows.

Other areas in which he tried to use a double dose of snark and sarcasm to mask the frustration he sometimes felt with himself. Missed opportunities couldn’t be disguised as things that just happened.

They were lost because of the choices he made and the circumstances he helped to create. That was how he saw it. He had made some really foolish choices and had gotten burned by them.

For a long while he himself wallow in the pain and sorrow. He stuck his hands in the fire, bit his lip and forced back the screams of pain and rage, punishment was what he thought he deserved and what he sought.

And then one day someone showed up cloaked in sunshine and magic. They helped him see that a black and white world had shades of grey and deep swaths of blue. When they offered their hand he didn’t push it away and sneer about not being a charity case.

He saw it as a hand up and he took it. Stood up tall, looked them in the eye and stared out at the window.

Now the question was whether he was willing to do more than step out into the sunshine. Now the question was would he allow himself to walk in it.

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