“Baby, I promised that one day I would come for you and I did. I don’t know what to tell you about the future other than what I have already said. Love me today, love me tomorrow and let the chips fall where they may.”
I can’t say those are the best words to share with someone who upon occasion has referred to herself as the queen of low expectations. I knew it would lead to a million more questions and some unspoken worries but I also know that it is more important to be straight with her.
When you look at a decade of history and think about the people you have gone to hell and back with you have to account for the contradictions that come with it, call them fatigue and strength.
You can’t always determine in advance which will be which or if there will be a combination of the two. Sometimes the mileage shared is enough to keep the magic going because you know that your bond is strong enough to help you weather the hiccups and challenges that life throws at you.
And sometimes that is not enough. Sometimes you are worn out by life and you let go because you just can’t continue doing what feels like the same old thing.
“Sweetheart, that sounds like you are leaving. Promise me you won’t. Promise me you will stay. I love you. If you go you’ll break my heart.”
I smiled at her and wrapped her in my arms.
“Do you really think after all I have done I would just walk away. Do you really think I could just give up? Not going to happen. I can’t say for certain what will but I don’t worry about it much.”
I watched her face and saw her analyzing what “much” meant. Her eyes narrowed and I saw her inhale deeply and prepare to rattle off whatever she was thinking.
But I didn’t let her get it out because I made a point to kiss her before she could start. She kissed me back but pounded my chest once or twice just hard enough to let me know she wasn’t pleased but not enough to make me stop.
The moments passed and then she pulled away.
“I am not happy with you.”
I smiled broadly, “come to the bedroom and we will fix that.”
“That is not fair. You know I am not going to say no and are taking advantage of me.”
I laughed, “damn right I am. I plan on taking advantage of you until I can’t do it anymore.”
“Mister, I am not stupid and you are not getting away with not talking about this.”
I turned around and told her to meet me in the bedroom or to let me know if I should go shower. She walked in after me and told me I had a very short window of time to do what I wanted before she would make me speak.
I probably shouldn’t have laughed and I definitely shouldn’t have said “relax” but I just couldn’t help myself.
She lay down on the bed and told me that since I was being a jerk she wasn’t going to participate.
“Does that mean I have to do all the work here? Geez woman, that is rough.”
I lay down on top of her and started kissing her but she refused to kiss me back so I turned to her neck.
“Baby, we have right here, right now. That is our guarantee and almost nothing else is certain. The plane might crash, I might get hit by a bus or I might win the lottery. I am working with what I know.”
She looked up at me, “know then that you better work your ass off to stay. It took so long to get to this place, I don’t want to lose it.”
I smiled again, “have faith in us and in our ability to figure things out.”
Just as I was about to go on she told me that I talked to much and wrapped her legs around me and then I was the one couldn’t speak.