I see the look you give me when I take you on the couch, in the car, the bedroom and wherever else we find ourselves. You tell me you are not 18 anymore and ask me why I am not talking.
Your voice accuses me of just using your body and I tell you that to an extent I am. But it is not the way you think and there is nothing negative about it all.
It is because you turn me on in every way that a woman can excite a man. You make me feel crazed and in turn it is like we are the proverbial high school kids again. You tell me that you feel old and tired and I tell you that I don’t care because I love you more than I can say.
Words fail to express it the way I want so I turn to actions and some of those are indeed sexual. Some of those moments come from my desire to try to turn back time or to at least stop it. I hug you tight because your body is made to be pressed against mine. Some may call you mom but I call you all woman and I celebrate that you aren’t some young child.
Yeah, your body would be different if you hadn’t had some of those experiences. Parts and pieces might be tighter and or tauter than they are now but you wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.
Life has given you wisdom and confidence you didn’t have then. You let yourself go and give into the moment and the magic. You understand that it is not just ok but better when we just let go completely. Twenty-five years ago the girls might have been shocked and wondered how you could do those things and not just because they were dirty but because a man was manhandling you.
And now some would ask you why because they are stuck in boring and tedious relationships where they lie on their backs, close their eyes and count the minutes.
They have forgotten what happens when love is wild and passion is real. Forgotten what happens when they give themselves to a man and dare him to pound away because you understand that a body that can give birth is made for more than just soft caresses.
But we have those moments too.
We have those quiet, intimate and powerful moments and then we have others where it is raw, animal like and rough. We can go places others don’t reach because we dare to let the walls down and love with reckless abandon and because we are willing to give and receive.
Some don’t get it. Some don’t understand it.
I don’t care because the only one who needs to does and she is me and I am her. One person split into two reunited for brief moments in time that leave us breathless, spent and exceptionally happy.