Sunday afternoons are sometimes bittersweet for me, mostly sweet though. They aren’t the foundation of who we are and what we are about but I see them as being the time when we shared the moments that made it clear that dreams and fantasy could be reality. They were the moments when we saw how love could compress time and make hours feel like minutes and when the pain of the past was erased.
They were when we proved to ourselves that there had to be a time somewhere down the road to dedicate to us. A time when we could hold hands and not feel the pressure of time and responsibility to others. A time when we could let go of outside obligation and love again as if we were teenagers with life experience.
Neither of us ever expected to find that feeling of first love again or believed it could happen more than once with the same person but it can and it did. And we learned that time really has no meaning for people who are right for each other because a kiss that happened a decade or decades ago had the same intensity as one today.
And we learned again that sometimes you have to risk having your heart torn apart so that you can heal the wounds of the past and love more deeply and completely than before.
Teenage bodies are hard, supple and nubile. They can do amazing things repeatedly and without the consequences of age. But teenage minds don’t have the depth and wisdom of life experience. They don’t understand or appreciate what life brings. They don’t understand that sometimes the heartache of the past is precisely the thing that makes you love the present so much more.
And though the present may sometimes feel more challenging and harder on the ego. Though it may sometimes be harder to tear off our clothes and show our bodies as they are now those teenage bodies never did experience the kind of feelings that our older, more worn and much wiser can.
Back then foreplay was to be rushed because you couldn’t risk being in trouble with parents.
But now all is different and in many ways so much better. Because when you live a little bit longer you learn to appreciate things so much more.
And you realize that there is a reason why sometimes you let your girl walk for a while on her own. You let her do what she needs to do but you don’t let her get so far away she can’t see or hear you. And you make sure that if she goes for a walk she knows you haven’t tossed her aside.
You still think she is beautiful, wonderful and an amazing woman. You let her know you cherish her and that there are no finer moments than when you are in sync and taking on the world together. It might be as simple as holding hands while sitting on the couch or the sort of torrid sex that leaves you both breathless and amazed at just how much trust you really have in each other.
Because you are two individuals who are strong and independent who together form something more than when apart. Because when things are hard you want to lean on each other and when things are good you want to share it with the other.
Because even if you don’t say I love you he/she always knows you do.