I Lost My Pepper Pike

She didn’t tell him that some days she liked to go through boxes of letters and look at some of the fragments from their past.

Wow, how could I forget this? I remember it clear as  day, my love. It was one of the worst weekends of
my life. This happened about 3.5 months after we “met.” Sad times.

We have been thru so much together and can get through anything.

Love you,

She remembered that day and the moments that came with it far better than she let on. Part of her wanted to tell him and share how lost she felt but she was afraid to give in to him completely because she feared what would happen if she did.

It was so easy to get caught up, lost in his eyes and in their world. She wasn’t a teenager any more, couldn’t forget or ignore her responsibilities and she feared she would.

He turned her world upside down. Letting him in meant she would have to deal with the storms that came too and she didn’t know if she could really do it.

But then she read his letter and wondered if he really loved her the way he said he did. How could he not, no one would write those words and share  what they had.

Wasn’t going to send you anything, but went with  the gut ‘cuz that’s what this board is about.

When you think of me, I think of you.

Be well baby and I’ll see you on the other side.

But what if she was wrong. What if fear held him back. What if these were just words he said to keep her around.

She lay down on the bed and kicked her heels and thought about it. He told her he would kiss the tears away and that he would shelter her from the storm.

Ultimately she knew it all to be true but she couldn’t give more than she had, not yet, not now. She needed to see him make more of a commitment otherwise it would be too hard.

Part of her never doubted he would move mountains to get to her. He was among the most determined men she had ever met but still she made certain to hold just a little piece of herself back.

She didn’t want to be crushed. She hated feeling like a teen again, hated the upside down uncertainty of it all.

But every time she thought about what it was like to just hold his hand or to be held by him she smiled. And every time she thought about who she wanted to wake up with in the morning or go to sleep with at night she saw his face.

He was right about that connection. Every time she thought about him he was thinking about her.

The tune that is yours and mine to play upon this earth
We’ll play it out the best we know, whatever it is worth
What’s lost is lost, we can’t regain what went down in the flood
But happiness to me is you and I love you more than blood The Wedding Song- Dylan

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