The Bells

Dear Woman,

The bells are starting to go off again in my head and though I may be crazy I always take that to mean they are going off in yours too and that you are thinking about me.

Or maybe it is more accurate to say we are thinking about each other because in our heart of hearts we have never accepted the severing of our being.

Because we have always been two people who share one heart and when we are not connected in the way we need to be I ache. I ache, I ache, I ache and I ache.

I take refuge in anger and dance in the fire because for a moment I forget that there is slipped disc in my back and that my heart is not functioning at full capacity.

Alone and apart I do what I must do and clothe myself in the sort of rainment that allows me to continue this charade. The smile I show the world is real and so is the warmth but it never is bright or burns as warmly as that which you receive.

And then in the midst of it all I hear the words of Poe and though the name might make you think of another it is worth giving you a look.

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea,
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
I and my Annabel Lee—
With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,
Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we—
Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in Heaven above
Nor the demons down under the sea
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,
In her sepulchre there by the sea—
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

And when I read these words I smile because I know that when your hand is in mine neither angel nor demon can stand against us. Together we are so much more than when we are apart.

When two become one we are magic and the answer to the question of who will allow us to bring out all the love that we have. We may have started a story whose end must wait but when that end comes we will watch it happen together.

For now I will put down my pen because when the fire burns so brightly I must run with the moon until I cannot run any more. But know that I run with a smile upon my face and the sort of confidence that some would label foolish but I call instinct.

You are and have always been my north star. I will see you later in the moonlight and when the time is right don’t be surprised to find yourself in my arms again.

I have moved heaven and earth and can do so again.

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