Monthly Archives: April 2015

The Kiss

She told him that she wanted to see him but said she had one rule.

He told her that as long as the rule was no sex he was fine with it.

When her email rely got nasty he just shook his head and smiled.

She is offended by my saying I don’t want to sleep with her. Now she can’t decide if she is going to try to make me make a pass or if she is going to just let it go.

The next email exchange was even frostier than the first.

She is pissed off because she just remembered I told her every man should turn it down occasionally because it makes women try harder to get it.

Now she is wondering if I’m serious or if I’m trying to manipulate her into some bedroom fun.

In other words she doesn’t like feeling like I have taken control but the reality is she knows damn well neither of us have that much.

It only takes the briefest amount of contact for us to want to tear our clothes off.

One kiss and discipline is out the window. It’s like saying you’ll only eat one piece of chocolate, it doesn’t work.

When he got the third angry email he smiled and wondered if she would be happy or angry if he brought condoms.

Who were they trying to fool. ūüôā

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Not Just Another New Year’s Eve

“Baby, I never thought this would happen. Can you believe it?”

“Believe what?”

“It is not just another New Year’s Eve, it is the first one we are spending together.”

“Last year was the last one we’ll ever spend apart.”

“That is so romantic, I can’t believe it is finally happening.”

“Why? I promised we would find a way. I said if you held onto me we’d get there.”

“And I told you to go away. I told you the romance was dead and there would never be another moment. I told you to go.”

He looked at her and smiled.

“I ignored you.”

For a moment her eyes narrowed and he saw her play with what sort of response she was going to give.

“I hate being ignored.”

“Every woman hates being ignored.”

“I am not every woman.”

“No, you are not and that is part of why I am here with you and not with them.”

He knew she wanted to be reassured so he told her again that he had never stopped loving her and had always been certain she had never stopped loving him either.

“That was risky. How could you know that? You can’t control my feelings.”

“No, I can’t and as much as I say I know things I knew that I was taking a chance. I knew that you might really mean it one day or at least that you would think you did but…”

She looked at me and told me to finish my thought.

“I still remember when you said we were family and we’d never be apart. That was when I knew you were serious. But I also knew that ‘practical’ side might grab your ear again.

“Wait, are you saying you thought I might not know how I felt. I am not one those wishy-washy girls.”

“No, you are not. You are decisive and sometimes the ‘practical’ part of you will make a quick decision that you think is right but isn’t necessarily exactly what you would want to do. I figured I needed to get you alone and see if you would let me kiss you.”

“I didn’t let you kiss me. You kept trying until I gave in.”

“And as soon as you gave in you led me to the bedroom. Sounds like someone knew exactly what she was doing.”

“No, I knew exactly what would happen once you kissed me and decided there was no reason to fight it.”

“Still sounds to me like someone said no because she thought she was supposed to and not because she wanted to.”

She asked me again to tell her why I loved her and wondered how we had made it so far.

I said we just had and that sitting on the couch alone on New Year’s Eve was proof that this is/was exactly what we wanted.

She kissed me again and said she loved me.

“Now that we are together you better work on learning how to listen to me. I don’t like being ignored.”

I smiled and told her that I didn’t think it would be a problem because she knew how to keep my attention.

She rolled her eyes at me and asked if everything was always going to be sexual with me.

“We’ll be the 90 somethings who make the 20 somethings jealous.”

“I don’t know whether that is romantic or disgusting.”

I smiled at her, “Baby, you know that if all I wanted was sex I could have found that elsewhere. I didn’t go through all this just to share your bed. I did it to share a life.”

She smiled again.

“You do know I am never going to let you go and you better start eating better because I am going to hold you to your word, dirty old man.”

He pretended not to hear her. When she tapped him on the shoulder and told him it wasn’t funny he laughed and said it was.

That interchange led to some wrestling on the ground and it was only after they came up to air they realized they had missed the ball drop.

“She kissed him again and told him as long as he promised never to leave she’d forgive him for making her miss the countdown and told her he’d forgive her as long as she promised to be his New Year’s Eve date from now until eternity.

“I will, but only if you promise not to ignore me.”

“Will you be my girl?”

“I have always been your girl.”

“I guess I’ll never ignore you.”

She saw the twinkle in his eyes when he said it and lay her head on his shoulder and they spent the rest of the night talking and then watched the sun rise on their patio.

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Asked & Answered Continued

Been thinking about taking the material here and expanding upon it.

He wandered over to the computer, opened up his email and pulled out the one picture they had taken with each other.

She had written a note on it saying how much she liked it. It made him smile to see her words and for a moment he felt like he was back in high school.

If she had been there he would have said something to her about that. It wouldn’t have been their first conversation about that feeling, but it was something they never did get tired of talking about.

Neither one of them had ever expected to have that feeling you got with your first love ever again.

He remembered lying in bed with her one afternoon and how surprised she was when he pulled the comforter off of her.

“What are you doing?”

“I am staring at your naked body.”

“You make me self-conscious. Stop it.”

He laughed and told her she was beautiful and sexy.

“I am too old for those words.”

He laughed again, climbed on top of her and said he liked old ladies.

She hit him on the shoulder but the smile in her voice and the sparkle in her eyes made it clear she wasn’t angry.

*****

The¬†practical¬†side of him that focused upon¬†reality¬†wasn’t a big fan of looking at the picture or thinking about those past moments.

“You have to deal with what you know and what you have. Today you haven’t got her and you know you won’t be close for an indefinite amount of time.”

That piece that didn’t require tangible evidence or tactile proof responded as it always did.

“You don’t know how long this moment is going to last. You could get an opportunity to go back tomorrow and you would jump on it. It is not a question of will you go back but when you will.”

The internal ping pong match was exhausting as was contending with the two sides.

What frustrated him the most was he was quite good at compartmentalizing things and focusing on what he had to do, or at least he was in every other part of his life.

This particular one seemed to upset the apple cart.

That was probably the best explanation for why he spent more time thinking about it because he always felt like he was on the verge of figuring it out and that when he did he would understand.

Understanding would make it easy to handle and that would be that.

Except it didn’t work like that and he knew it.

This was what that other piece of his head would scream about. This feeling about what he was supposed to be doing and how wasn’t based upon rational thought or logic.

It just was and the sooner he let go of trying to control the easier it would become.

Still he couldn’t help but wonder if that would make the transition to the next part of his life faster.

He couldn’t say for certain what would happen in the future about many things but he was certain he was going to fight like hell to keep his career on a certain path and to adopt a life style that made it possible.

And maybe, just maybe if his heart wasn’t a foolish liar she would share it with him.

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Pancakes Instead of Pizza

The flight into DFW was only noteworthy because the airline had successfully delivered the luggage for 197 of the 198 passengers.

Most of the time he would have found it amusing to be the one passenger whose clothing and toiletries had opted to vacation without him, but today wasn’t one of those days.

He had planned on checking into the hotel first thing so that he could confirm his dress clothes wouldn’t require ironing or any sort of last minute trip to the dry cleaner.

His first meeting was far too early to worry about such things the day of but sometimes god laughs at the plans people make.

So instead of chilling out in the hotel and figuring out what he wanted for dinner he made a quick trip to Target to pick up clean underwear, a t-shirt and toiletries.

Two minutes after paying for his goods he sat down in the rental car and decided to drive across the parking lot to grab a couple slices of pizza.

It wasn’t his favorite place but it was good and it was close, or at least it had been when it was in business.

“Dammit, I have only been gone for 18 months. When did this happen.”

Grumbling he drove past the chicken place at the far end of the strip mall and headed towards another that he was certain would offer multiple choices for his dinner.

Thirty-five minutes later he finished his pancakes and tried calling the airline to see if they had located his luggage.

When they told him they hadn’t he asked them what their reimbursement policy was for lost luggage and headed off to the hotel.

He knew his way around well enough to have found his way to the mall but it was late and he wasn’t certain he would get there before it closed.

It took all of three minutes for him to confirm that the drivers hadn’t gotten any better since he had lived there.

“No luggage, idiots driving pick-up trucks and a 9 AM interview. That is a recipe for success, now isn’t it.”

His words hung unanswered in the air.

“Keep talking to yourself Jack and you’ll figure this out. Just remember to stop when you are back in public.”

He knew he was over tired when he started giggling at himself.

“Jackie old boy, you made a mistake you chose pancakes over pizza. Why didn’t you go out for barbecue?”

He shrugged his shoulders and answered his own question.

“Because I planned on doing it tomorrow night when I relax and enjoy my meal. Besides, if it goes as you think you’ll eat it as frequently as you want.”

In the back of his mind he silently asked what would happen if it didn’t go that way.

He didn’t answer his own question, just shrugged his shoulders and said he’d figure it out.

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For The New Readers

Looks like there are some new readers here so I figured some of you might be interested in being pointed towards the Greatest Hits.

That ought to give you plenty of reading material and for those of you who have been around, well I have some stuff in the works.

Keep showing up and you’ll see it…eventually. ūüôā

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You’re The One That I Want

“You’re crazy, You weren’t really going to do that.”

He laughed and told her he might have.

“I don’t believe it. You never would have acted it out in my office.”

He laughed again and told her to never say never about him.

“I am exceptionally self-conscious about my singing and anything other than slow dancing or two stepping which is precisely why you shouldn’t say I would never do it.”

“That makes no sense. Why would you do it if you are so self-conscious?”

“Because if I thought I was going to miss out on something important because I was afraid I might embarrass myself I would get pissed off and that is enough for me to say ‘fuck it’ and go do it.”

She looked at him and asked if that meant that any time he got angry he would lose control and do whatever the hell he wanted.

“No, it doesn’t mean that at all. I am in control of myself but there are moments in life where you need to step outside of your comfort zone and take a risk. The biggest regrets I have in life have come when I was unwilling to do that and I never want to experience that again.”

He took her hand and led her to the couch.

She leaned back in his arms and asked him to tell her a story.

“What kind of story do you want to hear?”

“I want to hear about us, but I’ll be happy to hear any story you choose to tell. I like your stories.”

“Ok, let me tell you about two people who met in the most unusual way and how it led to the greatest adventue of their lives.”

Midway through she stopped and asked him if it had a happy ending and he said it did.

“How do you know it does?”

“Because I know things.”

“I hate when you say that. We can’t know for certain about almost anything.”

“No, we can’t but we do know if you never take a risk you never get the big reward. And we know what is in our hearts and that sometimes you have to take the long way home to get where you are going. But if you do it with your best friend it is not so bad.”

She told him she liked that part and he asked if she wanted to hear a different ending.

She said ok and he told her a version where when the girl said to go away the boy did and she never heard from again.

When the girl asked what happened to the boy he said the boy was killed while on safari by an angry hippo and since he was buried in Africa there were no obituaries for her to read so she never knew he was dead.

She said that was an awful story and that she didn’t like it.

He laughed and said, “I told you that you like stories about us forever better than the other versions.”

She told him he was a jerk and he just smiled at her and held out his hand.

She told him he wasn’t forgiven but when her fingers were intertwined in his he shook his head and silently reminded himself to pay attention to what she did and not what she said.

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Sometimes You Are Pushy

She told him sometimes he was pushy and he smiled.

“You ought to be more humble. You can’t read my mind and know what I am going to do.”

“Who says I am not humble?”

“I do, it is obvious. You think I’ll swoon over you and do whatever it is you want me to do.”

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

He smiled and turned around to pretend to look out of the window. Let her wonder if he was serious. Let her wonder if he was thinking about kissing her or if he was going to be a ‘gentleman.’

A thousand years ago she had told him that sometimes it was fun to be pursued and that saying no added to the fun. He had told her that sometimes it made him crazy and he didn’t always like it.

He had also said when his girlfriend was in the mood for some dancing in the sheets it was fun to sometimes say no.

“How can you say that? It is awful. When a girl tries to start something with you it is time for you say yes. If you say no, you’ll give her a complex.”

He remembered smiling and telling her it wouldn’t hurt to understand what men go through.

“We get rejected all the time. How do you think that feels?

“I think that is just part of how it works.”

He shook his head and they tore into a conversation about glass ceilings and rights. Somewhere in between the comments about who was ridiculous and who was illogical they came to an agreement or maybe understanding is better.

“You better not ever say no to me. Besides, I’ll never say no to you.”

“Hah, you know how many times I have heard that line.”

“I mean it. You can’t keep up with me. I don’t have the same challenges men do.”

That moment stuck with him, in part because it wasn’t said to taunt or tease him. It was a statement of fact said without any pretense.

“You might not think I can wear you out, but we really don’t know yet now do we.”

An hour later he put her legs over his shoulders and told her in the name of science he was determined to get an answer.

She smiled and told him to stop talking.

The second time she called his name he realized he had been day dreaming and asked her to repeat herself.

“It is not nice to stop paying attention. What the hell were you thinking of?”

He mulled over whether she would appreciate the truth or if it was easier to just deflect and move on.

Or maybe instead of being graphic he could simply say he thought she was beautiful and leave it at that.

Except that was the thing, he couldn’t say those words without the past hanging over them. Couldn’t say she was beautiful without both of them remembering how those words had significant meaning because for a while “you are beautiful” had been code for ‘I love you.”

*****

Later on as he boarded his flight he thought about all that had happened and all they had shared.

He thought about how they had gotten back to the topic of pushy and how it led to bossy and all the other crazy directions their conversation had turned.

It had been one of moments where they recognized life was changing and that whatever decisions they made would reflect those changes.

As the captain announced they were free to take off their seat belts he leaned back in his seat and a broad smile broke across his face.

“We are going to be connected for life.”

“I know.”

“What does that mean?

“We’ll find out, now won’t we.”

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On The Couch

References

Music

Words

He watched her walk over to the couch and sit down next to him and silently cheered what he hoped would be good fortune.

She wasn’t close enough to try the old yawn and put his around her move but she wasn’t at the far end of the couch either.

She smiled at him and looked at the television.

It was the kind of smile that made him wonder if she was just being friendly or if maybe there might be something more to it.

Men often misunderstood friendly gestures from women. He had learned from past experience that the kind of smile she gave him could be interpreted as approval to approach or content to share the couch.

He had learned from past experience that the kind of smile she gave him could be interpreted as approval to approach or content to share the couch with him.

But she didn’t fit into the category of other women and hadn’t for what felt like an eternity.

That was because she and him had once referred to each other as ‘us’ or ‘we.’

They had been not just a couple, but the couple and that made the moment very different from the others he had once known with others so many years before.

If you had to use labels or insisted on categorizing things he would say she wasn’t just the one who had gotten away, she was the one and that was what scared him.

Thing was he wasn’t quite sure to make of what he felt. It was a mix of fear and supreme confidence.

Fear that he would never get another shot with her and that she would be gone forever intermixed with the knowledge that somehow, someway everything would work out.

That uncertainty and uneasiness was why he hadn’t tried to hug her when she walked in.

Every time they made eye contact he felt like she could see right through him and wondered how she could so easily take his measure.

No one else did that to him. No one else gave him butterflies in his stomach.

He loved it and hated it.

Loved it because it validated what his heart kept telling him and hated it because his brain said to be cautious.

Reason with heart

Heart said ‘believe’ and head said ‘blow this heart and all that will be left of you is a gaping hole where you used to live.’

Heart called head a series of vicious names and head just laughed.

“Can we make some popcorn? I love watching movies and popcorn always makes them more fun.”

He nodded his head and walked over to the kitchen.

When he thought she wasn’t looking he took a moment to stare at her again. Time had been very good to her and he swore she looked a full decade or more younger than she was.

garden

“Is everything ok? Is there a stain or something on me?”

He almost jumped out of his skin when she asked. She had noticed him staring.

“Yeah, it is fine. I thought I saw something move outside.”

She nodded her head and said ‘ok’ but her eyes said she didn’t buy his excuse.

For a moment he thought about telling her he was daydreaming about kissing her and what she looked like in those jeans but decided against it.

Five minutes later he put a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and sat down.

Thirty-five minutes later she laughed and said if he wanted some popcorn he should move closer to her so they could share the bowl.

The first few times her hand brushed against his in the bowl he figured it was just an accident. Nothing intentional, just what happens when two people share a bowl of popcorn.

But after the third and fourth time he began to wonder if maybe that was the sign he was looking for. So the next time she tried to grab some popcorn he made a point to accidentally take some from her hand.

“Stop stealing my popcorn. I want that back.”

Even if he hadn’t seen the giant smile on her face he recognized that tone of voice as the one she always used when she was trying to tease him.

He tossed the pieces into his mouth and shocked himself by saying if she wanted them she could come and get them.

“I don’t want your chewed up popcorn.”

“Uh, ok. I am really sorry about that.”

This time he didn’t look at her or catch that little thing in her voice that made it clear she wasn’t angry.

“How long am I going to have to wait before you try to kiss me?”

He was so shocked he barely managed to babble something about having popcorn breath.

“I do too. Now are you going make me embarrass myself again or are you going to kiss me.”

Three hours later he watched her walk from the  bathroom back to the bed and wondered how he could be so lucky.

“Don’t climb in yet. I want to look at you?”

“Why? I think you just saw all of me.”

“Because you are beautiful and I never get enough of you.”

“You don’t have to flatter me to get what you want.”

“I am not trying to flatter you. I am telling you the truth. You are amazing.”

“Men always say things like that afterwards. I am telling you, there is no need. I want to do it again.”

This time he shook his head at her and told her again he thought she was stunning.

“I thought so from the moment I first saw you and I still think so now.”

“You are too nice to me. I don’t deserve it.”

He smiled and shook his head again.

“You deserve all that and then some.”

Later on when she thought he was asleep he heard her say she hoped she could be his forever.

******

Morning broke and he opened his eyes to an empty bedroom.

He stretched and wandered over to the bathroom.

“That was the best dream I have had in forever.”

Just before he started the shower he thought he heard someone ask what he wanted for breakfast.

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Some Days

Some days he felt like the phantom of the opera and some days he felt like Johnny wooing June.

Most of the time he preferred being Johnny because he liked the outcome better. He always felt kind of silly saying or writing those kinds of things.

Felt foolish talking about how he figured if he could sing he would serenade her with All I Ask Of You and Ring of Fire so he just didn’t mention those things.

Made life easier to focus on what he could do and not what he couldn’t.

One day in the midst of feeling frustrated by all of the crap he was dealing with he felt like he could hear her asking him why he never called her his Pepper Pike anymore and he let out a snicker.

He wasn’t sure what made him think of that or where it came from but he really didn’t ¬†care because it reminded him of a time when all they did was laugh.

So he spent a few moments lost in thought and recounted other names and fond memories and eventually he wound up touching some of the darker moments and discovered something.

The darker moments and hard times they had been through didn’t bother him the way they once had. It made him scratch his head and for a moment he wondered if that meant he didn’t feel anything.

Didn’t take but a second to confirm it wasn’t because he didn’t feel anything but because he felt so much. It ¬†was illogical and irrational but he couldn’t help but think those hard moments were part of the reason he felt ok.

Felt ok because they had gone through hell and some how found their way to the other side.

So he figured if they could do that all would find its way to where it was going.

The funniest thing of all to him was how he knew that he believed as he did only because of what they had experienced.

If he had read about it on a book or seen it on a movie he would have rolled his eyes and called it fiction. He would have made fun of anyone who did the things they did and acted as he had because it was ridiculous.

But experience had changed him and proven that sometimes ridiculous made sense. Ultimately it didn’t matter to him if anyone else believed or disbelieved because it wasn’t their story to be concerned with.

Later that night he walked under a cloud obscured moon humming the songs he wouldn’t sing and wondered if somewhere not so far away she was singing them too.

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