The plan wasn’t to find you but then again it didn’t ever include losing you so maybe those things balance each other out.
Unsought and unlooked for you were like a comet blazing across the evening sky. It was impossible not to notice you and even harder not to follow the trail you left behind.
And then the unexpected turned into the impossible and the improbable.
That is how you provide an incomplete summary of a profound life changing experience in a way that very few people can understand.
But I never needed anyone outside of you to understand the how and why of who we were apart and together. It wasn’t theirs to experience and it wasn’t theirs to understand so why would I care what they had to say.
They could point fingers and call it awful or praise it and I wouldn’t give it a second thought because when it snapped into place I simply knew and that was enough.
But I forgot that how brief a life a comet has in the evening sky and then you were gone. It was like the air was sucked out of the room and I had to fight to breathe.
I staggered around under cloudy skies and starry nights searching for a glimpse of that bright tail, certain that if I could find it I could follow it back to you.
The search went on for years and then my legs gave out from exhaustion and I lay down where I was and closed my eyes.
Can’t way how long I slept, might have been a day or it could have been decades.
When I woke I saw your tail and it was like my soul said, “she is back.”
“I’m workin’ my way back to you babe
With a burnin’ love inside
Ooh, I’m workin’ my way back to you babe
And the happiness that died”
Working My Way Back To You Babe– The Spinners
I ran for a day and a night to catch up to you but you were always just out of reach.
Once I saw you turn your head and I swore you saw me and wondered why you kept walking away.
I almost stopped because I figured we had had our moment and that I could live with that. I thought about letting go and saying memory was all I needed.
But my heart said no, she merely needs to remember. One kiss and her heart will be unlocked again.
And then when hope turned into reality heart turned to head and said, “I told you so.”
Head nodded at heart and asked what would happen when the comet leaves our orbit again, because she will.
Heart told head not to worry and said that one kiss would always be all it would take to bring it all back.
Head said that maybe it wasn’t worth the heartache that came with it and heart said softly that it always was and always would be.
Head said he remained unconvinced.
“Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d see you, baby, one more time again, now”
Fire and Rain– James Taylor
Head wept and asked heart how it could handle so many losses.
Heart asked head how he would handle the truly big losses and pointed out that which he wept over was sad but not nearly as hard as certain other losses could be.
Head asked again for help and heart said these moments are a reminder to pay attention to the people that make you feel alive and those that bring you joy.
Some make the world feel small and others make it feel endless.
Find those who make it feel endless and spend time with them.
Head said what happens if they don’t.
Heart asked what happens if they do.
Hold no expectations and learn to find the joy in the small things in life and you’ll be ok.