Would it be an exaggeration to say the world is filled with a million stories about lost love and what happened to the individuals in these love stories.
I don’t think so.
It has to be one of the constants of life, something that never changes with time.
People, places and circumstances might be different but the constant that is people falling in and out of love with another will never go away.
It is why we hear tales of it in the bible, ancient Egypt, Greece and Shakespeare. Lost love is the tale that will never go away, 10,000 years from now those who walk whatever this Earth has become will know these stories.
And like the stories of the present and past those who tell them will share a mix of tales of hope realized and hope dashed…forever.
Maybe if I were a better storyteller it is how it would go but I am not that guy.
Just watch me walk and you’ll a see a man who knows that he lumbers and doesn’t glide. Doesn’t mean there aren’t times where I haven’t tried to figure out how to walk softly but it never lasts because I know who and what I am.
She is not like that, she glides in and out of places.
She walks quickly but gracefully, sort of opposite of me.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not a clumsy or awkward in my motions, just…heavier. Don’t know if that makes sense or paints a good picture or bad and I don’t care.
We met a thousand years ago when we were both in different places and living different lives than we live now.
Einstein says that gravity isn’t involved in love but if ever there was a case of falling ours was it. We fell hard and we fell fast.
She once asked me if I could say how long it took and I said five minutes for her and three weeks for me. I remember her eyes narrowing and knew that she expected a serious answer and just smiled at her.
I’d like to tell you I kissed her after that and she forgot be angry with me but I don’t know if that is how it happened. What I do know is that she often forgot to be angry with me just as I forgot to angry with her.
It was unusual for both of us, especially me. Piss me off the right way and it doesn’t just fade.
The great constant of the great loves is that the shit that destroys people is often ignored, minimized or forgotten and so it was with us.
We fell hard, we fell quickly and we fell deep, so much so that we both told each other it was impossible to envision life apart.
But people plan and god laughs or something like that.
What is that song about fire and rain, the one that some people play when something sad has happened? You know the one that talks about some people always thought they would see each other again.
That is how I always figured it would be, we’d always see each other again. The reasons why I believed that don’t matter any more than the reasons why others would suggest it was wrong.
People do as they are going to do and believe as they are going to believe regardless of what others do or say.
Maybe that is as good a description as you’ll find for why there were times when she chased me and times when I chased her.
Times where one of us pushed the other away and how we always found our way back. Didn’t matter what happened, we had to be connected so we did what it took to stay close, even if we weren’t technically together we always were around in a way that made it possible to take that next step…if we wanted to.
And that is how it went for quite some time, moments of time when we were together followed by the periods where we were not.
You might wonder why it went this way and not another and I would say it is a reasonable question. I’d say it is smart to be direct and ask for answers to something simple but you won’t get that response from me.
No one ever said I was easy or reasonable, it is part of my charm.
What I will say is I never stopped loving her and that I never expected to be shipwrecked, sent off to war and then captured and held in an unmarked POW camp.
Nor did I expect to come back and find out she had moved and that she hadn’t left a forwarding address.
I remember her scent and a bunch of other things that are just for me and not for you.
Those memories are part of why when I found out she had moved I didn’t just give up and part of why I sat on the steps of our old place and laughed.
Some people spend their lives looking backwards and trying to relive old memories and some spend all of their moments living for a future they hope to have.
I like to believe I am somewhere between those two positions.
I can look back and smile at the good times and ignore the bad. I can look forward and hope that the future is even better than I hope it will be too.
But the thing I am best at is looking at what lies in front of me today and focusing upon that.
You might wonder why there was no forwarding address and what the reason for the separation is. Those are important details and if life is all in the details then you’ll need answers to figure out how the pieces fit.
The thing is, sometimes you never get the answers to your questions because people don’t always do things for reasons that make sense.
Sometimes they just do them. Sometimes when you ask why they say ‘because’ and that is all you get.
That is the kind of response many people have gotten from me. Sometimes they accepted it and sometimes they told me they were certain I knew more.
They were probably right, I often know more but I don’t say all I think or share all I feel. There are boundaries to be held and lines that can’t be crossed.
Which I suppose is kind of funny because I have crossed many but that is me and if sometimes I live by a double standard, well remember most of us do.
It all comes back to a place where I look at the present and occasionally use a telescope to see the future that lies off in the distance.
There may be a day when she and I are we or there may not be.
There may be a day when the we refers to someone else or there may not be.
Many years ago she asked me how she would know I loved her if I never said it. I looked her in the eyes, said ‘I love you’ and promised it would be obvious.
She told me again that girls like to hear the words and I asked her how I would know and she said I was being dumb, because we were family and inextricably linked together.
For now I run with the moon and do what needs to be done to take care of the here and now. That is part of love and being in love.
Because sometimes you just go with what is and have patience to see what will become even when you don’t really know what that could be.
Because life is not something we can control, it is something we live and all you can do is walk the paths you choose and enjoy the journey you are on.
Some people glide and some people lumber.