And So It Goes

He stood six feet behind her and tried to focus upon the speaker but was consistently distracted by how intoxicating her presence could be.

There was a time not so long ago when she said the same about him and promised to do whatever it took to be by his side.

It was the kind of partnership they had yearned for their entire lives and yet only a few years later they were as close and as far apart as they had ever been.

She had never explained to his satisfaction why she had broken it off and any time he had tried to find out she had stonewalled his request. So he did his best to accept what she said and take it at face value.

It was possible she still had feelings and was choosing to act otherwise and it was possible she didn’t. It was possible this was temporary and possible it was forever.

The plethora of possibilities wasn’t particularly helpful for a broken heart. It didn’t make him feel any better to know there was a possibility that things could turn because it was possible they might not.

His head told him to suck it up and move on and his heart screamed at him not to be an idiot.

“There are other fish in the sea. Don’t get hysterical and say she was our fucking ocean because there are other women. She was your girl and now she isn’t.”

His heart responded coldly, “if it wouldn’t hurt me too I would shove an icepick up our nose and right into your fat self.”

The interplay between the two made him snort and he went back to listening to the speaker.

But he kept staring at her long legs and remembered what it felt like to have them wrapped around and the sound of her voice whispering in his ear.

He remembered promising her to never let go and asked himself why he was acting like some lovesick teen.

If life were like a movie he would tell her he still loved her and ask for her hand.

She might hesitate to give it and he would say how much they had been through and ask why that wasn’t enough to get them through future humps and hurdles.

Always had been before, why not now.

It could work. If she really heard him and was open to love she might walk into his arms and remember.

Or she might tell him to move on and go away.

Isn’t it nice to see some things never change.

We’re still boys and girls who try to do our best to have simple and uncomplicated lives but discover it is just not that easy.

The heart may want what it wants but there is no guarantee it will get it.

****

A short while later he left without having said a word to her. As he walked to the car he wondered if he was doing a good impression of Rick at the end of Casablanca or was more like the Cowardly lion.

Five miles down the road he wondered what perfume she had worn.

He had intentionally not gotten close enough to smell her. It would have been easy to get close enough to smell without invading her personal space but he didn’t want her thinking he was trying to be pushy.

And he didn’t want to be tortured by the smell. She always smelled like home to him and unless she made herself his he didn’t need to remember.

Time was what he needed.

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