Monthly Archives: January 2018

Gut Feelings

It had been forever since they had a private conversation in person.

It hurt his heart sometimes to think about how long it had been against all that had happened.

They had been to hell and back and survived so it seemed impossible to him that it couldn’t be done again if only the will existed.

He asked himself if the reason she refused to see him was that it was too hard and every time he heard himself say yes. When he asked himself if it was possible she was serious and that he was fooling himself he said yes again…but.

She wouldn’t be happy to hear him say he was ignoring it but he was and he wasn’t.

He was convinced it the ‘no’ wasn’t because she really wanted to say no but because she felt obligated to say it. So while she meant no she didn’t really want to say it.

It didn’t mean she would feel that way forever or that he would wait forever. Hell, he couldn’t explain why he hadn’t done more to just walk away any more than he could explain why she hadn’t.

That inexplicable and illogical choice was a significant part of why he was convinced she wanted to run into his arms and yet also intentionally stayed far away.

He figured she found reasons to be angry with him and had made a list of things he did that she found annoying. It made the distance easier.

But it didn’t change his not buying it. Sometimes the heart wants what it wants and logic means nothing.

Damn heart was and maybe is stupid.

Didn’t help that she looked phenomenal the last few times he saw her or that when she passed by he could smell her perfume. Smell and memory are closely tied together.

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