Monthly Archives: November 2012

Drama

I came close to telling the guy at airport security that the last time someone I didn’t know spent that much time rubbing against me I was at a bachelor party. Except she smelled better than he did and smiled while grinding against me, at least she did until I said I wasn’t interested in a lap dance.

Once she heard that my wallet was going to stay lodged inside my pocket she moved on to the next mark and that was that.

It was the perfect example of why I have never been a fan of strip clubs. I don’t have any moral issues with them, I have had a few lap dances in my time.

Except those experiences were twenty some odd years ago and done before I realized that the dancers weren’t thinking about me.

I won’t lie and say that some of those women aren’t attractive, because some are. Nor will I say that the experience was unpleasant because it wasn’t bad. Who doesn’t like having some woman with an incredible body pressed up against him.

But the fantasy dies quickly when you know the dancers aren’t thinking about you. It is just a job and you are just a way to make a buck. That just doesn’t do it for me. There is no reason to spend money like that.

Anyway, the guy at the airport was the exact opposite of a dancer. He wore too much cologne and was a bit rough with his hands. Doesn’t he understand us sensitive men like to held while someone whispers sweet nothings to us. 😉

The good news is that it was an easy flight. Three hours with relatively little turbulence and a landing worth clapping for.

A last minute business trip wrapped around a weekend and a potential opportunity to see someone who once meant something to me. It is the sort of tale that Hollywood might tell.

Maybe they have already, but if they haven’t they should because this is the story that people love. There are multiple layers to this one with the chance to have a happy ending or something quite miserable.

Hollywood loves that kind of drama.

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A Brief Update

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Forever and Never

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.”

When the end came we convinced ourselves that there was no truth to the old nursery rhyme and swore that Humpty could be put back together again. It wasn’t a question of if, but when. Past experiences had proven that to us.

We had known heartbreak and we had survived it. Perhaps we were different people than when we had started but different doesn’t mean bad or worse. It just means different and sometimes different is better than before.

The funny thing about it was how very different it was than we had once imagined it. We had told each other that there was no place in our minds and hearts for a time when we would no longer be together. We laughed about how silly and juvenile that sounded.

We laughed because it reminded us of the school kids we had been and how with your first love you pledge to be with them forever because that is all you can see…forever.

Except we had been through the forever part at least twice before with other people and had learned that even though it was painful to sever forever that pain didn’t last. Eventually it went away and you woke up not aching or wanting the person who had once filled that hole in your heart, the one you never knew you had.

But sometimes life throws rocks at you and you find out that it hurts for longer and harder than you ever expected. Sometimes you can’t figure out why it hurts so much and why it lasts so long.

You do your best to figure it out. You spend time by yourself and think about what it is that makes it so hard. You put ample time in to figure out the source and you discover that you can’t put your finger on it.

Whatever that source of magic is eludes your touch and all you can do is wonder what the best course of action is.

Maybe you decide to do all you can to let go and you wander off in search of pursuits and passions that distract you from the sense of loss and loneliness. Maybe it works well enough for you to feel like you are well on your way and you are confident that you have truly let go.

But sometimes the flames never quite burn out completely and a passing breeze sets it off. You might not even be conscious of it. You might not be aware of how and when it starts, but it does.

And then one day you realize that you miss that other person and you are stuck. You can’t decide if you are a fool for doing so. Maybe you make a list of reasons why you shouldn’t. Maybe you go so far as to make contact with the intent to start a fight because you know that anger will help make it easier.

Or maybe you just accept that sometimes never and forever are words that should rarely be part of your vocabulary because you can’t predict or promise the future. All you can do is live your life and enjoy the journey and accept that sometimes the heart wants what it wants.

It is not just a question of want or of need, but of will. As in what are you willing to do to try to answer your heart.

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Your Turn

Hi all,
It is Jack an I thought I would check in with you. There is a lot of traffic coming through this blog but relatively few comments so I am curious about a few things.

1) Is there a particular post/storyline that catches your eye?

2) Would you like to read more about said post?

3) If you had to choose between living in the snow or a warmer climate what choice would you make?

4) Does the heart only want what it wants?

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Two Poems + One

“Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”

Ulysses, Lord Alfred Tennyson.

++++++
“I want you to know
one thing.You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine”
If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

++++
“There is another sky,
Ever serene and fair,
And there is another sunshine,
Though it be darkness there;
Never mind faded forests, Austin,
Never mind silent fields –
Here is a little forest,
Whose leaf is ever green;
Here is a brighter garden,
Where not a frost has been;
In its unfading flowers
I hear the bright bee hum:
Prithee, my brother,
Into my garden come!

There is another sky by Emily Dickinson

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Count it

Ideas are flowing fast and furiously through my head. You can consider this the calm before the storm. Massive amounts of writing to be written…soon.

“I don’t care if you never come home.
I don’t mind if you just
Keep on rowin’away on a distant sea
’cause I don’t love you and you don’t love me.

You cause a commotion when you come to town

You give ’em a smile and they meet
Having lovers and friends is all good and fine
But I don’t like yours and you don’t like mine.

La la la …

I don’t care what you do at night oh
I don’t care how you get your delights
We’ll leave it alone
We’ll just let it be
I don’t love you and you don’t love me.

I got a problem
Can you relate?

I got a woman
Callin’ love hate.
We made a vow
we’d always be friends.
How could we know that promises end.

La la la …

I tried to love you for years upon years
But you refuse to take me for real
It’s time you saw what I want you to see
That I’d still love you if you’d just love me.

I got a problem
Can you relate?
I got a woman
Callin’ love hate.
We made a vow
we’d always be friends.
How could we know that promises end.”
Promises- Eric Clapton

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Untitled

The fragment below is old, wrote it a bunch of years ago but since I am trying to turn this into a collection of all of my fiction I dropped it in.

+++++

I got the call in the middle of the night. The sharp ring of the telephone startled me awake. For a brief moment I thought that it was the alarm clock and got ready to go shower and get ready for the day. The continued ringing made me realize my mistake and I picked up the handset. With a muffled voice I mumbled something into the phone and waited for an answer.

The response made me gasp and go numb. It wasn’t like the movies. I didn’t drop the phone. I didn’t start to scream hysterically or sob. I just lay there in disbelief. You were gone. Death had robbed us of our future and now I had no future.

Ok, none of that actually happened. I sometimes wish that it did. It is kind of perverse to say that sometimes I wish that something so terrible had taken place. But sometimes it hurts too much to admit that I am the reason that our love was lost. The best thing in my life is gone because I let it go.

My grandmother used to say that the really lucky people fall in love three times. Two of them were to prepare you for the love of your life. I used to chuckle at the idea of training relationships. I told grandma that I’d like to quote her but I didn’t want my lover to worry which number they were. The last thing I wanted to deal with was a fight based upon insecurity and a quote like that seemed destined to create distress.

I never imagined that one day I would sit here and wish that I had paid more attention to grandma. She was so very right. I have been in love more than once, more than twice. In fact you can say that grandma was right because the third time was more powerful than the first two combined. And it was only because I had been in love before that I realized so very clearly the superiority of the third.

Chances are that most of you have seen a movie or two that deals with this very topic. Two people fall madly in love and seem prepared to ride off into the sunset of a perfect life. However the dream is interrupted and somehow they are torn apart leaving broken hearts and the question of whether they’ll ever find their way back to each other.

People like happy endings. They like to see the couple figure overcome the obstacles in their path reuniting in triumphant harmony.

My story doesn’t have that happy ending. My story has all of the elements I listed above, except one. At the end there is no couple. There is only heartbreak and the bitterness of unfilled potential.

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Two More Songs For Mood

May or may not use these two as well.

 

 

and

 

 

Might add something from The Joshua Tree, or might not. It is all about setting a tone and creating a mood. Find the rhythm and then run like hell. Of course it only makes a difference when people care.

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Nashville – No one will ever love you

Might use this too for the story.

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If Today Was Your Last Day

Might use this as inspiration, or might not.

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day’s a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What’s worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts ’cause there’s no second try
So live like you’re never living twice
Don’t take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you’re dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you’d finally fall in love if today was your last day?
If today was your last day

Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it’s never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
‘Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you’re dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you’d finally fall in love if today was your last day?

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