I remember making love to you that day. Your body was with me but your mind was elsewhere and I wondered if perhaps I wasn’t doing something right.
Things had never been like that before with us. I had experienced it with other women, had been there and known that they were planning out their day, thinking about laundry or something else while waiting for me to finish but never had that moment with you.
It made me angry and I thought about stopping but decided that would make me angrier and so I held on more tightly and was rougher. You were like a little rag doll in my arms and in the midst of the storm inside my head you looked up and smiled at me.
Disarmed and amazed it moved me into whatever place we occupy in the moment before completion and then lights exploded in my eyes.
Hours later you were gone and I was truly alone with my thoughts thinking about what had happened, thinking about twenty years before.
*****
“Johnny, can you do it again? Are you ready? Let’s try a different position. Can I do anything to help you baby?”
The guys had never said anything about girls liking sex like this. None of them had ever said a word to me about not being able to keep up, probably because it was embarrassing. We were supposed to be in control here. We were supposed to set the tone.
I wasn’t exactly upset about having a girlfriend who never said no and who was willing to do anything. It was kind of cool and even more fun because no one ever would have guessed she was like this.
Her hands pulled me back into bed, coaxed me to life and we went at it…again.
“Baby, that was five times. We need to set a new record!”
It was dark in the room but I didn’t need any lights to see the twinkle in her eyes or to hear the smile in her voice.
“June, you really don’t need to tell your friends everything do you?”
She giggled, “I don’t tell them everything.” Her voice trailed off and I felt her trying to make things happen again.
“I am tired. Let’s go again in the morning.”
She laughed again, “he is not tired and neither are you. We can sleep later and I promise I’ll make it worth your while. You tell me how you want this and we’ll do it.”
*****
“Johnny, I am not that flexible anymore, be gentle.”
“I remember the girl who told me there would be time to rest later and I remember telling you that your words might haunt you later.”
She met the challenge handily and smiled at me.
“I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that this will be quick and that if you do what I want you can do what you want.”
She laughed, “you’re a man, it won’t take that long.”
It wasn’t a taunt or a dig and it was said with love but I was determined to make her understand that I was different.
*****
Different was the appropriate word because neither one of us were who we had once been. Many years had passed between then and now and time had taken its pound of flesh.
The obvious part was easy to see as our bodies and faces didn’t look like they had. There had been some moments that would have horrified the younger versions of us. No one had ever expected that age would force us to adjust some things but back then we wouldn’t have understood how it wouldn’t bother us now.
Back then love was wild, unfettered and free.
No responsibilities to others. No reason to ever think about anything but the moment because the moments were part of an endless rainbow road.
But time had taught us differently and we had been captured within its limitations.
*****
“I want a plan. I want to know what happens now. Tell me how this works.”
I smiled and kissed her.
“I am not that girl. You can’t just take me to bed and expect me to sleep with you. I expect some answers.”
I smiled again and kissed her. For a moment her lips were hard against mine, “I don’t care if you participate now or not because I will have you.”
She kissed me back, “don’t think that you aren’t going to answer me mister.”
I stopped kissing her and walked across the room.
“What do you think you are doing? You don’t get to start things and then stop.”
She pulled me back to my feet and wrapped her arms around my neck.”
“We are going to do this and you are going to answer my questions.”
Laughter bubbled out of me and I flashed a wicked smile.
“Oh no, I am not doing that. It is not going to happen.
I sat back down and smiled again.
“You are not the boss here, I am.”
I laughed again and pulled her onto my lap.
“I am the boss and if you don’t ask it won’t happen.”
She rolled her eyes at me, “Baby, will you make love to me?”
“Of course I will.”
I surprised her by picking her up in my arms and carrying her to the bedroom.
“If you say one word about being too heavy or hurting my back I will say you are right,so don’t.”
She smiled again and I saw a familiar twinkle in her eyes.
*****
“Johnny, I am waiting for you to tell me what is different about now and how this is going to work.”
I took her hand in mine and squeezed it.
“Baby, we are cruising down Rainbow Road now. I can’t give you every detail but I can tell you that our history proves we can figure it out. Heaven and earth moved for us to have this moment. That is not a line. I don’t need any to have you, but you know that. Close your eyes and you will see my eyes staring back at you.”
“Johnny, that doesn’t answer the question.”
“Yes it does. This happened. It came out of the blue, unexpected and unseen but definitely wanted. This moment is how I know. We are not done, we are just in some sort of transition. For years you refused to have anything to do with me, wouldn’t take my calls, answer my emails or even acknowledge I was alive.
This proves everything.”
Words Left Unwritten 