Monthly Archives: March 2013

Unfinished Business

She wouldn’t appreciate him thinking about her and them as having unfinished business so he never described it to her that way, even though that was how he saw it.

He never said it because he feared she would think he saw the moment in mechanical terms and that all he wanted was to get her in bed one more time. He figured she wanted to see some romantic inclination on his part.

Of course it was entirely possible that she didn’t care about romance either and that all she wanted was some mindless, easy fun. A good romp in the hay with someone who once upon a time had been able to make her body tingle without touching her.

There was no doubt that was possible, but it was just as possible that she wanted romance or that she didn’t want a damn thing at all to do with him. You never could tell for certain, at least not without having the conversation.

Back in the old days it had been easy to figure out what was happening. They told each other exactly how they felt and what they wanted and then they fought over who got to take care of who.

Time had passed, things had changed and words had come between them.

But still they never broke off the communication…completely.

There was always a way to get in touch and always some sort of connection between them. It reminded him a bit of when she admitted that she couldn’t stand the idea of not living her life with him and how he had admitted he felt the same.

Were they just words that people said. Were they just things you said right before that big moment that left you drifting off to blissful slumber. Maybe it was all of those things and maybe it was nothing.

Maybe it was just the reality of a past that had no purpose for existing in the present.

Perhaps time would provide the answer or maybe it wouldn’t.

Either way he hoped that when he thought of her she was thinking of him.

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Songs We Sing

The songs we once sing are sometimes the songs we are still singing but with a slightly different understanding.

“I stood in this unsheltered place
‘Til I could see the face behind the face
All that had gone before had left no trace
Down by the railway siding
In our secret world we were colliding
All the places we were hiding love
What was it we were thinking of?

So I watch you wash your hair
Underwater, unaware
And the plane flies through the air
Did you think you didn’t have to choose it
That I alone could win or lose it
In all the places we were hiding love
What was it we were thinking of?

In this house of make believe
Divided in two, like Adam and Eve
You put out and I recieve
Down by the railway siding
In our secret world we were colliding
In all the places we were hiding love
What was it we were thinking of?

Oh the wheel it is turning, spinning round and round
And the house it is crumbling but the stairways stand

With no guilt and no shame, no sorrow or blame
Whatever it is, we are all the same

Making it up in our secret world
Making it up in our secret world
Making it up in our secret world
Shaking it up
Breaking it up
Making it up
In our secret world

Seeing things that were not there
On a wing on a prayer
In this state of disrepair
Down by the railway siding
In our secret world we were colliding
In all the places we were hiding love
What was it we were thinking of?

Shh, listen…”

Secret World- Peter Gabriel


“Don’t tell me when
Something is beautiful
And don’t tell me how to
Talk to my friends
Just tell me the names of
The stars in the sky
What’s your favourite song
Tell me the names of the
Lovers you had
Before I came along

Don’t put your arms around me
And don’t hold me tight
‘Cause I could get used to
Your vision of paradise

And don’t ask me where
All of the pain goes
‘Cause you make me feel
That I don’t know myself
You say that you want me forever
And I say that love is no crime
So tell me the names of the children
We’ll have at the end of the line

So don’t put your arms around me
And don’t hold me tight
‘Cause I could get used to
Your vision of paradise
And don’t let me near the garden
Of earthly delights
‘Cause I could get used to
Your vision of paradise
Of paradise
Of paradise

Just use your heart not your head
While I fall apart in my bed
I find myself aching for you
I feel myself breaking in two

So don’t tell me when I should
Come on home
There might be a time you don’t
Want me around
Don’t build your world around me
And don’t hold me tight
‘Cause I could get used to
Your vision of paradise”

Visions of Paradise- Mick Jagger

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Blog Fodder Quotes

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.”
― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream

“Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
“After all this time?”
“Always,” said Snape.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
― Oscar Wilde

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
― Albert Einstein

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
― Mark Twain

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”
― George Bernard Shaw

“Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.”
― Richard P. Feynman

“I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.”
― Galileo Galilei, Letter to the Grand Duchess Christina

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.”
― Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear.”
― Stephen King, Different Seasons

“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.”
― Stephen King

“I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can’t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.”
― Mark Twain

“The reason that fiction is more interesting than any other form of literature, to those who really like to study people, is that in fiction the author can really tell the truth without humiliating himself.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt

“A little talent is a good thing to have if you want to be a writer. But the only real requirement is the ability to remember every scar.”
― Stephen King

“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in F. W.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father’s house this evening or never.”
― Jane Austen, Persuasion

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

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Ten Years Later

Ten years later she said go away.

When he didn’t she pushed him in the chest with both hands and told him he was a fool to think he ever had a chance.

She was sad and angry when he walked away, surprised by his not fighting harder. She wondered why he didn’t read between the lines and understand what she really was saying the way he had always been able to do before.

And then he surprised her by coming back in a different way that made it unclear why he was doing what he was doing. Part of her was certain he was trying to find a new way to seduce her and part of her wondered if maybe he wasn’t.

She was ten years older and her body wasn’t the same as it once was. In many ways she wasn’t very different physically from the way she had looked in college, but then again she was.

The mental list of things that weren’t quite the same was easily checked off and she couldn’t help but wonder why he would pick her over a younger woman. That was something men did, they paid more attention to the physical than the mental which meant he could easily be another idiot who picked a pretty face over brains.

But she remembered  how he had told her that he would never stop loving her and that age didn’t matter and wondered if those were just words.

Words had meaning, but sometimes people just said things without accepting or understanding the consequences of their actions.

The uncertainty infuriated her. Most of the time she knew exactly how she felt but here she just didn’t.

She wanted to.

She thought she knew how she should feel but this was different and he had always managed to bring out stronger feelings than any other. So she tried to nurse the anger because that always made it easier to say goodbye.

It was why she went over the list of things he had done wrong. It didn’t matter whether they were intentional or unintentional as long as they helped fuel the fire. But that only worked for so long.

Slowly she was falling for him again and this time she couldn’t say she had no clue how it happened or why. This time she knew precisely why she should stay away and exactly why she didn’t want to.

It was a good thing he really couldn’t read her mind because if he did he would know how badly she really wanted to be with him and how hard she was struggling not to.

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Chicken Soup

Two quick thoughts:

If those I care most about aren’t aware of it than I have to figure out if poor communication skills are to blame or not.

There are words that exist that will melt the coldest heart and things that can be done to convince those who pretend to be tough to let down their guard and open their spirit. Of these things I am certain but what I cannot say is which words fill that description.

So a different approach is taken and who is to say it is better or worse than others.

In the interim I wonder where I can obtain some chicken soup so that I may partake of its healing properties.

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A Couple More Bits and Pieces

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
What I Miss

You may think you know what is going on but I’ll bet there is a wide gap between what you think and the truth of what you know.


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Bits and Pieces

Can’t decide if I feel like working on these bits and pieces or not.

The Telephone

It Takes Two

It Was Logical

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Six Minutes Of Wool Gathering

The music  is strictly for writing and reading. The fragment isn’t based upon the movie.

The walls between us are cracking and the distance we created is shrinking but I don’t know if either of us likes it or wants it that way.

There is a part that does, for certain because distance makes it easier to forget and so we turn to anger. Anger makes it easy.

Lists of things we did to upset each other and little flaws help shore up resolve and maintain the walls we use to protect ourselves. We fight and we push, yell about how we don’t trust and call each other names we don’t really mean.

But the truth is there is something there, a thing we haven’t ever been able to describe or explain. It is a timeless moment that defines us.

A never ending kiss and a desire to hold each other again. A chance to look, to listen and to love.

The hardest question is not about whether the magic is gone but whether we dare to take the chance to see if we can walk the golden path…together.

In silence we ask if the fear inside is based upon reality and not want.

When was the last time we felt accepted, loved and wanted for all of who we are.

When was the last time we took joy in just being in the presence of another knowing they knew us better than any other and that it was ok to just be.

When was the last time we trusted them completely to hold our heart and caress our soul.

When was the last time we knew we were cherished and held up as the model for all other relationships.

It feels like a million years ago in a place that never was during a dream we never had about a moment that never existed yet this thing calls out from wherever it is we have stuffed it down to protect ourselves from it.

This thing calls out and demands recognition and asks for us to do more than just pretend.

It begs for honesty and for truth.

It offers hope and understanding.

The question is will we have the courage to walk across the bridge and open the door.

Will we take the chance to remove the veil and see what lies in the mirror. Will we gaze upon a reflection that pleases or scares us.

Some people never know the moment.

Some people know the moment and lose it never to capture it again.

Some who lose it seek second chances because that is what has to be done.

And some just sit in silence and none can say what it is they think upon, about or remember.

Heart and soul is more than just a man or just a woman.

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Writing Music For A Late Saturday Night Writing Session


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Whom The Gods Ignore



A flash sparked across the sky but it wasn’t interesting enough to make the men look up. They were too busy playing cards and thunderstorms around here are no different than the million feral cats wandering through the neighborhood.

They come and go as they please and if you get in the way you are as likely to be scratched as ignored.

I didn’t like the cats and if I had my way the people that fed them would be fined and or shot. Take away the bowls of food and water and they would disappear, problem solved.

But the cats didn’t bother me half as much as the storms did. Hell, I probably wouldn’t have given a damn about the cats except for the way the lightning made them show up in something that resembled a pack.

It was weird and unnatural seeing them like that. Cats aren’t pack animals, they don’t move in groups, but these ones did.

I didn’t like it, but you already knew that.

What you don’t know is what happened that Labor Day weekend nine years ago. You didn’t see us walking down the street, holding hands and dancing in the rain.

You didn’t see me lift my face to the sky, jaw opened wide, lapping up the rain and laughing.

You didn’t hear her tell me that it wasn’t safe to be outdoors when the lightning was being tossed about.

“It is dangerous out here, we need to get inside.”

I laughed and told her to relax, nothing was going to happen.Watch what happens when I tell Zeus I want to play catch with one of his bolts.

“Zeus! Zeus, you big pussy, show me something. Toss me a bolt and I’ll throw it back, we’ll play catch.”

I laughed again and did a cartwheel in the street.

Seconds later I opened my eyes and tried to figure out why I was lying in the mud.

The old men told me that they saw three bolts of lightning hit the ground, right where we had been standing.

“Oh god, we. Right where we had been standing. Where was she!”

I looked around, but I didn’t see her. All I saw was a lone shoe.

Twenty feet away from there those damn cats were meowing and climbing over something, at least I thought it was something. It took my head much longer to process what my heart already knew.

That wasn’t something, it was someone and I knew them.

She was gone and it was my fault. I was the one who refused to go inside and who called down the thunder.

And now every time it rains I run outside and beg to play catch  again. The bolts come down but they never hit me.

But others are not so lucky.

No one talks to me anymore, the only living creatures that come close are those damn cats.

Maybe one day I’ll get lucky and lightning will strike again, or maybe not.


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