Looking Back and Looking Forward

She Says She’ll Never Get Married Again was written about eight weeks before the last time they slept together, give or take a few minutes here and there.

He wasn’t sure of the exact date but was pretty certain he could figure it out, just as he could figure out the last time he actually kissed her…six years ago.

A part of him expected her to be both weirded out and excited that such things stuck with him.

Hell, if he told her he could still hear her and that she looked effulgent she would probably smile regardless.

Sometimes that felt like a different life and sometimes it felt like yesterday.

And with all of the crazy twists and turns life takes it could easily turn into him saying the last time they were together was tomorrow.

Maybe I’ll See Your Smile

The man looked at the woman and grabbed her hand.

“Careful, someone might see.”

He laughed, leaned forward and wrapped one hand in her hair and whispered, “maybe I’ll see you smile.”

She didn’t blush, but she did smile for a moment and he saw her consider things.

He could have said what he saw, could have said “woman, some things never die” and maybe she would have said he was correct or maybe she would have said no out of instinct.

But he chose to say neither, judging there would be a different time.

And sometimes under the moonlit skies he would look up at the orb and whisper the secrets he wanted to share with her.

And then he would close his eyes and listen to see if she would respond.

Maybe one day.

Who Was Chasing Who

A female friend of the man asked him what he would do if the girl he was chasing turned around and said ok.

What would happen if she stopped running and said you could have her?

“What would you do if she opened her arms and said you could walk into them and have all she had to offer?

I am not talking about whether she will or won’t sleep with you. Not talking about her satisfying all of your sexual fantasies.

She already knows you’ll give her sex, she may feel some pressure there, but that is not the real pressure.

She wants to know what happens if she invites you into her world and to feel secure about your response. She loves you, but she isn’t going to just let herself fall in love with you again.”

He looked at the friend and asked if there was a difference between loving and being in love.

“If she still loves me how do we know she isn’t still in love with me? How do we know she isn’t trying to convince herself she isn’t in love with me to keep the distance?”

“She isn’t 20. She isn’t going to sleep with you because she loves you and thinks sex is the way to catch you. She may be in love with you still, but it doesn’t change her concerns and issues, so don’t get caught up in whether she does or doesn’t. Love isn’t your problem.

You need to know what you will do if she decides to test the water because it is probably not going to look like the past. She’ll want answers and details.”

Later that night he looked at his reflection and thought about what he had heard and realized he still knew nothing.

The future might not ever reflect any of his hopes or dreams, assuming he really understood what those were.

And if she did open her world to him, well he thought he knew what he would say and do. Would be kind of funny to be in the position in which the question became who was chasing who.

On Your Back

She asks what he wants and he says I want you on your back.

“We can do it once and that is it forever”

He wonders if she means it and if he can do it. Is it a test or just an arbitrary response.

“Can I have your mouth too?”

She smiles and says he can have it all for however long they have together and then it is done.

Later one when she is on her back and her legs are wrapped around him she tells him he better not run away and let go.

“You are contradicting yourself.”

“She smiles and feigns innocence.

“I am allowed to change my mind.”

“So am I.”

She laughs and says he is hers forever.

The screen goes blank and as he waits for the credits to roll he wonders who wrote this nonsense.

And then he plays around with asking or taking. Still believing in the power of a kiss and a promise but knowing the fickle wind blows in many directions.

What Comes

The man looked at things you know and thought about what he would tell the girl if they were trapped on an island or in a closet.

Thought about whether she would expect him to spend that time trying to get her naked or if she would expect him to try to get her naked emotionally.

The emotional part was the real trick. If she really let him inside her head and heart she would let him go everywhere else.

Maybe the experience of having been there in the past was a big part of why he was interested in being there again.

Sometimes he wondered if they had really closed that off or had just told each other they had.

Maybe the door hadn’t been locked on either side, it had just been shut or maybe it was a dozen other things.

So many maybes.

One thing was for certain, he was very conscious of feeling like he was on