“And when October goes
The same old dream appears
And you are in my arms
To share the happy years
I turn my head away
To hide the helpless tears
Oh, how I hate
To see October go”
When October Goes- Barry Manilow
“Went down the highway
Broke the limit, we hit the town
Went through to Texas, yeah Texas
And we had some fun
We met some girls
Some dancers who gave a good time
Broke all the rules, played all the fools
Yeah, yeah, they, they, they blew our minds”
“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Trust your instinct to the end, though you can render no reason.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“I am not going to sleep with you. We are friends now, it is just not going to happen.”
The text made him laugh, for more than one reason. She was talking to herself more than she was talking to him. She was trying to build a case of plausible deniability so that if things crossed that line she would have somewhere to fall back upon. It was a way to protect herself.
And he was laughing because he couldn’t help smirking while he read it and he knew that his smirk was more likely to kill his chances than anything else. She wouldn’t appreciate the smile and would think he was making fun of her and that would be problematic because this was something she was extra sensitive about.
The damn woman forgot, didn’t care, understand or believe they were in an energy relationship. Hell, half the time he rolled his eyes at it but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t feel the charges that went both directions.
She could say the words a million times and he would never believe them to be true or false because he didn’t know for certain which way the dice would roll. They could come up snake eyes or lucky number seven and he wouldn’t be surprised.
What is Love
Once upon a time she had said he was the love of her life and had promised that nothing could sever that connection. Once she had offered all she had, body and soul to him, but shit happens.
Or maybe it is more accurate to describe them as both having been caught in a shit storm of massive proportions. Harsh words and misunderstandings piled up and they went their separate ways.
But before things had been completely shattered he had told her if she wanted space he would give it to her, he would wait. She refused to ask.
For a long while he had been furious with her for not trusting him to wait, for not believing that he loved her deeply enough to try. Eventually he saw things differently and he figured she refused because she thought it would be selfish.
Maybe it was or maybe it wasn’t.
He decided to say fuck it to love, didn’t see the point. Didn’t believe in the old ‘love the one you are with’ bit and went about his business. Periodically he would come across women who showed interest in him but he never bothered to do anything about it. Was too much of a hassle to get to know someone and he wasn’t interested in telling them a damn thing about himself.
If love was dead he had no need for conversation of that sort. Of course his attitude tended to capture the attention of people who thought he was trying to be the bad boy which just made him shake his head some more.
Why do girls like assholes.
He looked up at the Texas sky and watched as Mother Nature put on her big show. Streaks of lightning flashed across the sky but there wasn’t any thunder accompanying it, at least none that he could hear.
Maybe it was because he was wearing headphones or maybe it was just too damn far away.
Didn’t matter much to him, either way he enjoyed watching the bolts streak from place to place, thought about grabbing his camera to snap a few shots. Some of these would look phenomenal on the wall.
Instead of going back in he leaned back across a car and just watched the show. It was too bad she wasn’t there with him. She would have enjoyed watching and talking with him.
They never ran out of things to talk about but they never had uncomfortable silences either. She loved that he understood her in ways that others didn’t, loved that she felt comfortable talking to him about anything.
And that was why he didn’t know what would happen.
She could talk about being friends all she wanted but when you have that kind of connection you don’t notice your are naked until you are committed.
They had plans to see each other soon. He had a basic idea of what they would do and was looking forward to spending time with her again. He guessed that she was probably expecting him to make some sort of pass at her. If he trusted his instinct like Old Ralphie Emerson suggested he could just go for it.
Or he could make a point to stand at least six feet away from her and not say more than a couple of words. The thought made him laugh again. It was sort of silly and juvenile thing to do, but he liked teasing her and liked keeping her off balance.
It reminded him of a time some years ago where he told her that they couldn’t have sex because it would ruin his mojo for the game. She had been dumbfounded by his refusal.
At first she thought he was kidding and then she wondered if it was her.
He would have kept things going but he didn’t want her to think that he wasn’t attracted because he was.
There really was no telling what would happen when they saw each other. He wasn’t planning on anything happened because that was the safest bet but he wouldn’t be surprised either because the girl who says she loves you just might do anything.