Long ago he told her one day he would write songs, stories and poems about their life together and apart.
He said there was a deep connection that was never severed as completely as they might have hoped and that this was good and bad.
Because it meant that even when they were apart they wanted to be together. Even when they were convinced the smartest thing they could do was go their separate ways.
There was always a magnetic pull.
Once she told him she wasn’t sure what to make of him because she was certain he just wanted to get laid.
“Your focus is on getting off and you don’t care how you do it with me as long as I let you do it. You don’t care whether I really want to and you push because you figure eventually you’ll wear me down into saying yes. Is that really what you want.”
He told her he didn’t believe she would just give it up unless she wanted to.
“I watch you closely. I listen to your breathing and to your heart. When you are with me you are always WITH me as I am with you. I know the difference when you melt into me and when you flee.”
She rolled her eyes at him.
“You can be with another and not be present, but not me. It is not just physical. It is not just sex and I’d be happy to prove it. Give yourself to me and we’ll find that place we only reach together. The electric shock is always there…in a good way.”
He remembered feeling her wrap her legs around him and the tlook in her eyes. She stared at him, watched him, occasionally kissing his neck or his mouth.
She was lost and so was he.
They were lost.
That was a long, long time ago.
Sometimes he thought it was so long that it could never happen again but his heart never believed that.
The question was never could it happen it again but should and would.
Should and would was always it.
Should he try to convince her.
Would she agree.
Or should she try to make him pursue her and would he agree.
In his heart he always believed they were better and stronger together but there was no telling if that could or would ever happen.
Sometimes he swore he could feel her in his arms. Sometimes he would wake up and swear she had been touching him.
And everytime it happened he kept it to himself, no sense making people think he was crazy.
But he wondered if she ever felt it thought about it.
Wondered if they were trapped on an island how long it would take before they would act like something more than strangers.
In public he never mentioned it or talked about it because it was easier to protect his heart. Maybe she was doing the same or maybe she wasn’t.
Didn’t matter to him what was what because he believed in this instance circumstance would provide an opportunity or it wouldn’t.
Meant to be would make it happen or see that it didn’t.
One step towards the future, whether together or apart was immaterial because you could only go forward, back was impossible.
Still, the idea of feeling her in his arms, wrapped around or underneath him made him smile because it felt natural. Nothing forced or fake about it.